I'm going back to school pretty soon and, subsequently, the pre-back to school jitters are here. I may get to take my car up, which would probably make all the difference between a good year and the misery that was last year. Work is gonna let out pretty soon too, which thank god, because let me tell you, lifeguarding a bunch of squealing kids all day long in the heat that has been this summer is not my idea of a good time anymore. I literally can't take it anymore.
On a totally different note, this is just something I really need to get off my chest.
I have some pretty intense jealousy issues. I’m…not proud of them at all. I get pretty nasty when it gets out of hand; I lash out at people, I’m mean and rude, and it literally churns my stomach to have to hear about them, etc. I really sicken myself sometimes, and I wish I could change it or make it go away, but that fucking jealousy is always there. There are these people that are luckier or more talented or pretty much just all-around better than me and I just make myself sick. I've always wanted to be someone that others can look up to and rely on, but I don't think I'll ever be that awesome kind of person. I'm just delusional.